The Male Story: A 21-Year-Old’s Email To Fight the New Drug
A few weeks ago we posted a personal message to Fight the New Drug from a girl whose life was affected greatly by her father’s porn use. Along with science and research, we use personal accounts of how porn damages lives and relationships because they are powerful reminders of just how harmful of a drug porn really is.
Just this past week, we got an email from Alex*, a Fighter who wanted to share his personal story with us. After reading it, we felt it was a perfect representation of all the thousands of emails we have received from guys just like him. From the personal accounts we have received and the science we know, this story seems to be typical of what inevitably happens to male teenage porn addicts.
Fight the New Drug,
I’ll try to make this short. Hopefully it is meaningful to some people. I don’t expect anyone to change his or her ways because of me, but I’m hoping they will AT LEAST consider reading my story and consider fighting this nasty drug/addiction. Why is it called a drug? Let’s just say it controlled my brain just like any addictive drug would.
The first time I saw porn, I was around the age of 9. Flipping through the TV channels late at night with a friend of mine… and BAM.. PORN. I can still even remember the channel it was on. Needless to stay, my young eyes were glued to the screen.
After that night I didn’t really think too much about it, honestly. Being so young, I wasn’t too sure what the feeling I got really meant. But a few years later I stumbled upon another porn clip on TV and I got that same excitement. Now being at the age of 12, I knew what the feeling meant. And that is when this terrible addiction/drug took over most of my life. This was around the time when the Internet was getting very popular, so one day I thought to myself, “Lets try searching naked girls online”. This is when the addiction got worse.
At 12-years-old, I didn’t really know what female bodies looked like without clothes. And after seeing all the images of naked women, I couldn’t stop. Almost everyday for about a year, I looked at pictures of naked women. Let’s just say the Internet didn’t help my addiction at all. It was always there and always available.
As I got older, around the age of 16 or so, I moved from pictures to videos of porn. Little did I know that this was going to screw up my brain and future relationships. You see, with porn you can watch any type of porn you want, whenever. THIS IS BAD. In real life, sex is not like porn. You can’t stop and rewind. The type of porn I really got addicted to at this time went beyond seeing just a man and a woman. This really elevated my brain and excitement for the wrong reason. I went on watching this type of porn for years.
Now I’m going to tell you the final part of my story and how porn ruined my love life/sex life. When I was 19, I had my first sexual encounter with a girl. Well here is when all my “fun and exciting” times with porn put a huge dent in my life. I’m sure you all know what I’m going to say…but, yes it’s true… I wasn’t able to get an erection. Those 7 years of watching porn made my brain think that porn was all I needed to get that excitement. After that night, the girl thought it was her problem, not mine. She thought she wasn’t good looking enough, sexy enough, etc. It broke my heart. I was 19 years old and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get aroused. I thought something was really wrong with me, when really it was because of the drug: porn.
I hoped that it was just a one time thing and tried to convince myself that I was just nervous for my first time. I tried to not think about it.
Long story short, I went on to have this problem with every girl I had sexual interaction with from that point on. I had to stop them every time because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get aroused. It was so embarrassing for me. I felt as if I was never going to be able to have kids or to be able to have a healthy/loving relationship.
At the age of 20 years old, I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to stop watching porn. I joined a group on Reddit called “No Fap”. They challenge people not to watch porn, kind of like Fight The New Drug in a way. They even give you a badge which tells you how many days you have gone without watching porn, kind of like a sobriety chip. I felt the positive challenge and as I watched my number get higher each day, it made me even more motivated to stop watching the drug.
Today is exactly my one year mark being porn free. No porn for a full year. That’s why I decided to write you today. My life has changed. Not only has my love/sex life improved but also my attitude towards life. I am able to finally get my brain back on course and see that addictions can ruin you.
My mind was addicted to the fake women online. That isn’t reality. IT’S FAKE REALITY. PORN IS A DRUG AND IT WILL RUIN YOU. I ask all you guys out there struggling, PLEASE give it a shot and stop with the porn. It will help you in the long run as it did for me.
FIGHT THE NEW DRUG!
Alex’s* story is sad but extremely common. Pornography rewires the brain and in turn has a huge effect on the ability of young men to get aroused. Previously, erectile dysfunction was unheard of in men younger than 40 years of age. But now, due to the amount of porn being consumed by teens today, erectile dysfunction is being found in males as young as 15-16 years old.
Gary Wilson, author of “Your Brain On Porn”, recently said in an interview, “By the time they find real partners, perhaps as much as a decade later, some guys discover they have trained intensely… for the wrong sport. (These young men) had simply conditioned their sexual response to screens, isolation, constant novelty, shock/surprise, fetish porn and watching other people have sex. Their erection problems with real partners resolved only months after they quit porn.”
This is just one of the many issues that porn use causes. Porn also creates a tainted and warped idea about sex and intimacy that has a big negative effect on actual relationships with real partners. Bottom line: it’s just not worth it.
Share this story so we can continue to shine a light on the harmful effects of pornography. Alex* shared his story with us because he wants to help guys like him realize that porn is not cool and not worth it. Show support for him and this movement by sharing this true story.
If you are worried you may be struggling with an addiction to pornography, we recommend you check out our Fortify Program, an online video-based recovery program that is free for anyone under 20 years old. Check it out at: www.fortifyprogram.org.